


Dancing At The Center Of The Universe

by Velvedere



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Feelings, First Time, Fluff, Love, Pre-Series, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 18:37:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6206080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velvedere/pseuds/Velvedere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Between growing up in the Jedi Temple and being on the run for most of his life, Kanan Jarrus had gotten used to the idea that physical intimacy was something that would never be a part of his existence. And he was fine with that.</p><p>But then he met Hera. And everything changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dancing At The Center Of The Universe

**Author's Note:**

> For the purposes of this fic, some parts of the novel "New Dawn" are being completely ignored. (Mostly the parts about Kanan's choice of lifestyle.)

Kanan was nervous.

He sat in his cabin aboard the Ghost, facing the door from the edge of the bunk, rubbing his hands together and pressing them down over his knees when the fidgeting felt like too much. Around him, the ship hummed its way through hyperspace, that ever-present background noise of working engines like a heartbeat to their existence, making the framework of the ship vibrate when he pressed his palm against the metal.

Chopper had been shut down, and remained inactive. Hera had been sure to see to that. It would be just the two of them for a while.

She didn’t want any interruptions.

He wondered if it had been Hera’s intention from the start to make him wait. To give him time to sit and think and doubt and stew. He was pretty sure she liked seeing him squirm.

Maybe she just wanted to give him plenty of time to change his mind.

He’d thought about it. He’d turned the scenarios over and over in his head more times than he could count. He could have changed his mind. Hera would understand. Maybe it was just pride or stubbornness keeping him there while his heel bounced against the floor. Scarcely able to sit still.

No. No, he wanted this. He’d thought long and hard about it, and he’d made up his mind. Maybe it shouldn’t have been such an important decision. But it… _felt_ important. He wanted it to _be_ important.

Hera felt the same way. They’d teased with the idea. Hinted. Flirted. Finally, they’d gotten around to actually talking about it and made the decision together. He didn’t want to back down now.

It didn’t feel wrong. There was nothing wrong about it. He was just nervous.

He found himself half-wishing Chopper hadn’t been shut down. The little droid could roll in there and drive him out with his jabbing electric shocks, the way he had done from the moment Kanan first stepped on board. Chopper had been ridiculously protective over Hera, and didn’t like it when Kanan got too close.

A lot of reassuring and talking-to from Hera, and gradually he got used to the idea of them. Though it had taken time…

Kanan jumped, thoughts snapping back to the present as the door to the cabin swished open. He hadn’t heard Hera coming back down the hall from the fresher. (He really was distracted, he thought, with inner recrimination.) She stood in the doorway, smiling, holding a cup in each hand.

“You’re still here.”

“Yeah,” he said, and felt the thick sluggishness in his own voice. He cleared his throat, and shot his eyes down toward the floor, the better to not stare at the sight of Hera changed out of her usual pilot’s gear.

Hera was attractive. He’d known that the moment he first saw her. And Hera knew it too. More than once she’d used her charm and appearance as a distraction while out on a mission, putting one over on some poor dumb Imperial who immediately fell for that demure smile and fluttering eyelashes. Right before she slammed a blaster into the back of his head.

Even in her jumpsuit, Hera managed to turn heads. Most of the time Kanan just laughed to himself and shrugged, wondering if anyone who looked her way knew how out of their league she was – how out of _his_ league she was – even before she’d flown circles around them with her eyes closed.

She was changed out of her usual gear now. Into her bunk robe. It had probably been white at one time, but years of use had worn it thin and comfortable, if darkened in more than a few places. Reserved for those times of just lounging around on the ship, Hera didn’t wear it very often. It looked better on her than it had probably been meant to.

“I…uhh…” Kanan rubbed his hands over his knees again, swallowing hard. “Not many places to run.”

“You could have taken the Phantom and jumped ship?” She eased on into the room, letting the door swish shut behind her.

Kanan rolled his eyes.

“Yeah. Real dignified.” He didn’t want to say he’d already done his share of running. He didn’t want to run anymore. “And how long before you came after me?”

“About three clicks.”

Hera saw right through him, as usual. She sat down on the bunk’s edge, and handed over one of the drinks.

“Here.”

“Alcohol. Thanks.”

They both laughed, and sipped. It wasn’t the strongest booze in the galaxy, but it tasted good. Maybe it would take the edge off his tension.

“We don’t have to do this, you know,” said Hera, for probably the seventy-third time. “You really shouldn’t push yourself, if you’re not ready…”

Kanan looked down at his drink. Then he looked aside to where Hera held hers. He reached out for her hand that wasn’t occupied, grasping it before lightly linking their fingers.

“No,” he said, quiet. “I want to.” He flicked a look up just enough to catch her eyes, to let her know he meant it. “Although, if you’d asked me when we first met, I never would have thought we’d end up here.”

“That’s because we were being shot at, dear.” Hera smirked at the memory.

“I want to act like it’s not a big deal. It’s nothing new. But, another part of me…wants it to be important. I want it to mean something.”

“It’s as important as you make it.”

Hera slipped her hand free. She reached out, tucking back a loose strand of hair behind his ear. Kanan could feel her looking him over. Gentle. Caring. The Hera not many other people saw.

“And I want it to be special, too.”

Kanan faked a breathy laugh. He ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks.

“They never prepped for this at the Temple.”

“No. They wouldn’t have.”

“I didn’t think it would be like this. So much…” He took another sip of his drink. “…talking.”

“Talking is good.”

“It just seems like in the holovids it always just…happens.”

Hera snorted.

“And everything happens just like in the holovids, right?”

They laughed together, light and easy.

Kanan looked down at their hands as they clasped again. Hera’s green skin against his tan. His master would have said they complimented each other. They contrasted, but in such a way that it brought out the best features of the other when they were together. Kanan would have guessed as much. Hera brought out the best in him since their very first meeting.

He felt his chest get light at the memory. As much as his heart grew heavy with sentimentality.

Maybe it was the booze finally kicking in.

“You really don’t mind being patient with me?”

“I don’t mind.”

“You’ll let me know if I do something wrong?”

“It isn’t as simple as right or wrong, but…yes.” She smiled, and winked at him, in that particular way that only made Kanan blush harder. “I’ll let you know.”

Kanan tried to smile back. He didn’t think he did a very good job. Every physical gesture suddenly felt very awkward. Clumsy. Too big.

“Well, you would know.”

Hera’s eyebrow went up.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, I mean…you’re the one who’s…you know…before…presumably a few times…at least…”

Hera sat very still, watching as she let Kanan dig himself in deeper.

“You know what I mean!” he finally blurted, giving up. “I just want to live up to current standards!”

Hera’s look at him tilted. She looked almost pitying as she shook her head.

“Kanan.” She set her drink aside, and his too, the better to turn and face him and take both his hands in her own. Unobstructed. She held them up between them. “I don’t decide whether or not you’re worth it _after_ the sex.”

Kanan’s face was fully scarlet by then. She was so…confident. So sure of herself. There wasn’t a single hint or tremor of insecurity or hesitation in her entire body.

He fell in love all over again.

He tried to think of something to say…some poetic confession of how he felt about her. How fortunate he was to have met her. How she’d already done more for him than he would probably ever deserve. But nothing came out. Words felt insufficient.

He hoped she could see it in his eyes.

“So,” he finally managed, swallowing against the tightness in his throat. He took a deep breath. “How do we start?”

“Well, usually, you start with a kiss.”

A kiss. That was good. Kanan knew how to kiss.

It was about all he knew how to do.

Not that he was completely ignorant. Kanan didn’t live in a vacuum, despite all his travels in space. He knew about sex. Even as a student at the Jedi Temple, he’d seen the models in advertisements floating through the sky over Coruscant, flaunting their physical appeal. Sex education at the Temple had been…lacking, to say the least. Attachments were discouraged and instructors directed the students to channel their energies elsewhere. Focus them on other things. The subject almost never came up.

Except, of course, in those late night conversations padawans whispered to each other from their bunks when they were supposed to be sleeping. Debating things they weren’t supposed to talk about. Kids were still kids, after all.

After that, in all his traveling, there were seedy space stations where sex workers hawked their services. Everything from well-respected Umbaran escorts to the lowest Zeltron cafarel. Kanan had avoided them because he couldn’t afford the first and the last would have just as likely knifed him in a back alley after getting his credits. That, and the whole idea had just never seemed…well…worth it. Not just the risk of discovering what he really was by being close to someone, even temporarily, but there had always seemed like more important things to focus on. Like being shot at and running from the Empire.

He’s just never had the time, or the interest, and the opportunity had never presented itself. After a while, he’d gotten used to the idea that physical intimacy was something that would never be a part of his existence. And he was fine with that.

But then he met Hera. And everything changed.

So, yes, Kanan knew about sex.

But knowing about it and actually doing it with another person (his right hand didn’t count) were two very different things.

He didn’t think of himself as a virgin – the term carried a connotation of innocence that he felt he just didn’t have anymore – but, for technical purposes, he supposed he was.

He looked at Hera.

Hera lifted one hand to cup his cheek, smiling as she brushed her thumb along his skin. Kanan leaned in, and tilted his head, half closing his eyes as he met her mouth in a soft kiss.

Gentle.

Chaste, at first.

Just like they’d shared a hundred times already.

It deepened quickly. Hera’s other hand found Kanan’s cheek, and her fingers threaded back into his hair, holding him. Kanan had taken out the tie that kept his hair back out of his face before she arrived. She liked it when he wore his hair down.

Mouths parted and tongues coaxed. Encouraging. Tasting deep. Earning a groan from low in Kanan’s chest as Hera’s hands slid along the line of his jaw, nails just scratching at his beard. He tipped up his head in response like a feline wanting to be petted.

Kanan liked kissing. He thought he was pretty good at it. (Well, he’d heard no complaints.) He would never forget the first time it had happened: out on the moon of Gorse, deep in the shadows of night. Silvery starlight caught in Hera’s eyes. He didn’t remember much else through the veil of startled shock and exhilaration and impulse when it happened, and there hadn’t been much time to dwell on it. They had been on the run and were getting shot at by Imperial authorities.

They got shot at a lot.

Hera’s hands slid down his neck, over his shoulders, slowing to rest flat on his chest. She pressed just a little. Fingers digging into the fabric of his tunic.

“You should take this off,” she murmured against his lips.

Kanan had to focus through a pleasantly absent-minded haze. He made a questioning grunt sound as he pulled back enough to look down to where Hera tapped against his chest, half expectant. He quirked a smile and nodded, jaw hanging slack where he had to catch his breath.

“Okay…”

Off went his shirt.

That sparked another memory of a moment early on in their relationship. Well…not “relationship.” He was still just her working crew at the time. But it had been the moment that could probably be traced back directly from where they were now, marking the beginning of the journey.

They’d been landed on Lothal. The ship had taken damage and they had several days’ worth of repairs before they could get on the move again.

It had been a hot day.

Kanan had taken on the task of soldering some new panels together while Hera ran diagnostics in the cockpit. He was working outside, eyes covered with a visor while he blasted scraps of metal with a blazing hot torch. He hadn’t thought anything about shrugging off a layer or two of clothing to deal with the heat while he worked.

Hera had come out at some point, stomping down the loading ramp to yell at him.

“Kanan, did you delete those datafiles I had saved for improvements on the Ghost? I need those schematics if we’re going to upgrade, and—”

She stopped.

Kanan stopped, shutting off the torch to lift his visor and look up at her.

He hadn’t quite been able to hear over the torch’s noise.

“…what?”

He wiped one arm across his forehead.

For a moment, Hera didn’t say anything. She stared at him, wide-eyed, like she had just caught him beheading kittens with his lightsaber. Then her mouth twisted up, her nose wrinkled, and disgust made her all but reel.

“ _Ugh._ ”

Kanan winced, certain she was about to let him have it. Hera could be terrifying when she was angry.

“Ghost. Improvement. Schematics.” She said, turning her face away and putting one hand over her eyes. Kanan thought she was shielding them from the sun. “Where are they?”

“Oh. Chopper put them on a datadisc.” He gestured into the ship. “They should be in the library. Want me to get ‘em?”

“No. Just…no.”

She turned and stomped back up the ramp.

If Kanan had known better, he might have been able to guess what irritated her so much. (It was only later, once she admitted he was attractive – for a human – he would look for excuses to go around with his shirt off.)

It was a good memory. They’d both learned a lot since then.

Hera shifted onto her knees to push him back. Not that there was far to go. Space was cramped on the Ghost, and the bunks were really meant for one person at a time. Kanan only had to lean back a little for his shoulders to hit the wall – the metal sent a cold shock through his skin…he hadn’t realized how warm he’d gotten – and lifted his eyes as Hera moved to follow. She settled with her knees on either side of his hips, pushing her lekku over her shoulder before she propped her hands on her hips and tilted her head down at him.

“I think I like you at this angle,” she said.

Kanan wheezed a breathy laugh.

“The view from here isn’t bad, either.”

She smiled. She leaned down to him, her hand braced on the wall just over his shoulder to support her weight. Kanan let his eyes close again as they kissed, his hand drifting up to her cheek.

Hera caught his wrist and pushed it back, pinning it down against the blankets with their fingers intertwined. Kanan gasped as the press sent a jolt of heat lancing through him. Hera also chose that exact moment to ease her body down, settling flush against him, and making Kanan suddenly very aware of…certain parts of himself.

He held his breath. Tightened. Of all the absurd notions, he even tried to _pull away_ , retreating as if to hide the evidence of what she did to him. As if he still had to worry about offending her.

“You okay?” Hera murmured, slowing her advance. She drew back from their kiss enough to meet his eyes, which he did his best to hide.

“Yeah,” he rasped. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

“We can stop…”

“No. It’s okay. It’s just…”

“Relax,” she soothed, nipping at his cheek and beard.

Kanan tilted his head to one side to give her room, shuddering as her breath fell on his throat.

“I think that’s the absolute last thing I could do right now…”

“It’s okay,” she said again, releasing his hand. Kanan felt absurdly novice under her constant reassurances, but…he was glad for them too. Especially as she slid down his body to kiss his chest, rubbing her hands in slow circles over his shoulders and collarbone, and thought became increasingly hard to manage.

And it wasn’t the only thing.

“Hera,” he whispered, the sound of her name like a pleasant physical sensation on his ears. He bent one leg onto the edge of the bed to ease the pressure in his pants.

“Kanan,” she answered, on a lighter upturned note. None of the unsteadiness or quivering that was in his own voice.

She pushed herself up, sitting back on his waist, free enough to pull at the neck clasp that closed the front of her robe.

Kanan held his breath as he watched the fabric slip off her shoulders, unwinding, uncoiling like a living thing across her body to pool at her waist.

He stared.

Kanan had seen her scantily clad before (changing outfits in the middle of a mission) but this…this was different. This was intentional. This was for him. And the way she looked at him…

Kanan didn’t know what sort of look was there in his own eyes, but – again – he hoped Hera could see there the sort of look she deserved.

By her smile, he guessed she did.

She took hold of both his hands, and pulled them towards her. Her thumb brushed over the soft parts of his palm.

“Touch me, Kanan,” she whispered. Half plea. Half command.

Kanan forgot how to breathe.

His hands felt awkward, clumsy, and far too big and rough as she guided his unsteady fingertips first to her hip. She kept hold of him, easing his hand around the curve at her waist, pressing his touch harder when he seemed hesitant. Holding him in place until he believed it was alright. Then she moved him. Showed him where she wanted him. Pressing and sliding so he would know where she liked to be touched. Over her hips. Up her sides. Across her breasts. Back down over her lekku.

Kanan watched, mesmerized, like he was viewing something separate from himself. Enchanted and enthralled by the most beautiful thing in the galaxy. When she cradled the back of his head and urged him close, his lips followed along the same paths. Cherished and tasted and worshipped. The sounds she made when he did something just right and slipped her tight grip of control sent stabs of heat straight into his groin. Made his pants even more uncomfortable to keep on.

“Are you okay?” Hera kept asking him, in between gentle soothes and reassurances that she was alright. Better than alright.

His words were gone. Kanan just looked up to her and nodded, jaw slack and fingertips trembling. He held her around her waist, supportive as he tugged her close into his lap.

Hera smiled, and cupped his cheeks and kissed him again.

She only pulled away from him to get up once. Just to cross the tiny cabin and touch the control panel that would dim the room’s lights.

She dropped the rest of her robe to the floor as she went.

While Kanan enjoyed the view, cold air swept in against him where she had been, making her absence that much more noticeable. He shivered, feeling the heat waft off his shoulders, holding himself tense until she returned.

Every step she made was hypnotic. The sway of her headtails when she walked was something he felt like he could watch forever.

He reached out when she came close enough to touch again, and she slid into his arms. Settled into place with a comfortable ease. Her hand pressed flat against his chest, urging him down even more than he already was against the bed.

She moved in to silence his mouth with her own when it looked like he was about to say something.

“Lie back,” she whispered.

Kanan nodded dumbly, and leaned back, away from the wall until his head hit the pillow against the cushions.

Hera rose over him like a shadow.

After that, it was difficult to keep up a continuous flow of thought.

When he thought back on it later, Kanan would remember only small things. Specific things.

The slant of what little light remained on the curve of Hera’s hip.

The sound of her breathing close to his ear.

The way he could feel her move under his fingers, pressing indentations into her damp skin.

Sliding inside her, at last, guided by her sure and steady hand.

There was a lot of kissing. A lot of lingering near each other’s mouths, breathing and gasping and whispers of “are you okay” and “yeah” and “like that.”

“ _Nnnhn!_ ”

One thing Kanan knew he’d never forget was the look on Hera’s face when – finally, after a lot of instruction and coaxing – he felt her tighten all over. Her head tipped back. Her eyes closed. A bit of white flashed in the dark where she bit her lip.

“Like that?” he panted.

Hera nodded, though it seemed an effort. Finding it as difficult to think as he did.

“Yeah…like that.”

It was the most rewarding thing in all of existence.

They held hands. They moved together. The air in the cabin grew warm and thick.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, when the heat between them built and every touch sent a jolt through his body and his insides were wound so tight Kanan was pretty sure he would die, it ended. Coalesced and built and burst in one brilliant, full-body shudder.

For him, anyway. Hera was nowhere near done.

“Sorry,” he gasped, over and over, when he could breathe again. Holding her…holding _onto_ her. “Sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry,” Hera panted with him, tucking back his sweat-damp hair. “Don’t be. There are other things we can do.”

And she showed him.

*****

Afterward, they lay in the quiet, listening to the sound of space outside.

Kanan rested on his back and watched the ceiling in the dim gray light. Hera snuggled under his arm with her head on his chest, her hand settled over his stomach where she would occasionally drum her fingers.

“You’re quiet,” she said, after a long time and neither of them had quite drifted off to sleep.

“Thinking,” he murmured.

Hera hummed.

“Guess I didn’t tire you out enough.”

He smiled a little, and squeezed her shoulder.

“No. It’s not you. You…you’re amazing.” He looked to her as he said it, tenderness in his every word. “I just thought I would feel…different. After.”

“Not too different, I hope?”

She lay with her eyes closed. Awake, she was beautiful. But seeing her at peace was angelic.

“No,” he said gently, stroking her lekku. Her lips curled and she hummed happily under the attention. “I’ll probably still do crazy things like stick my neck out for other people when I don’t have to.”

“Mmm. Good.” She kissed his chest. “I’d hate to think your insanity was cured.”

They were quiet awhile longer. Until Kanan spoke again on a quiet breath.

“Hera?”

“Hmm?”

“I just want you to know that…if anything happens from this, I’m not going anywhere.”

Hera shifted enough to squint one eye open at him, one brow curiously raised.

“If anything happens?”

“Yeah.”

“What are you talking about?”

Kanan’s eyes flitted downward.

“You know. If something…happens.”

Hera blinked at him.

“You know,” he struggled. “ _Happens_.”

He made a vague gesture down at her belly.

Hera snorted, and dropped her head down against his shoulder, burying her face.

“Next time I’m going to ride you until you can’t think. Are you talking about children?”

Kanan winced.

“…yes?”

Hera shook her head, and looked at him with such affection it could have melted the heart of a Gamorrean.

“Kanan Jarrus, you are adorable. We aren’t even the same species.”

“Well…” Kanan tried to recover, pushing a hand back through his hair. “You never know…”

“I think if half Twi’leks were possible we would see a lot of them running around already.” She sighed and rolled over, settling against him on the small bunk so that they lay as comfortably as they could, side by side. Her expression sobered as she gazed up to the ceiling, seeing beyond it. “I don’t want children.”

“Yeah,” Kanan sighed, with greater understanding than he liked. “Actually…I don’t either.”

 _Not until this galaxy is a better place for them to live in_ , he thought, and would bet his life Hera was thinking the exact same thing.

She laid her hand on his arm.

“Maybe someday,” she said, choosing to be hopeful instead. “When we’re not such wanted criminals.”

Kanan laid his hand over hers.

“Yeah.”

“Though you and I will never be able to have kids of our own.”

“Yeah. You’re right.”

“We could adopt?” She smiled a little at him, settling down curled close at last to sleep, pulling the blankets up close to their chins. “After all, the Empire has left plenty of orphans out there who need a home…”


End file.
